According to some studies, 50% of marriages are bound to fail. It doesn't matter how long you’ve been together; it doesn't matter how well you know each other, marriage is a whole other ball game. From different backgrounds, spending habits, physical chemistry, to even sleep patterns, marriage can reveal a whole lot of things you just didn’t know about your partner.
When you’re all in white, looking as beautiful as ever, and walking down an aisle towards the unknown, all you can wish for is the best. But what if the best doesn't work out? What if the dream you once had turned into a nightmare? It’s alright because you can always dream a new dream for yourself. Here are 10 things no one told you about getting a divorce:
1. You’re one brave gal: you’re going to come across tens of people accusing you of “chickening out” or taking the “easy” way out, don't let that get to you. Who said divorce was the “EASY” way out? What do they know? They weren’t in your shoes, they haven’t been through what you have, and no matter how many times they listen to either sides of the story, they’re still going to think you should’ve waited... So easy for them to say as they go on and lead “perfect” lives. Ignore them completely, it takes tons of courage to stand up and demand a better future for yourself. It takes TONS of courage and faith to just know when it won’t work out. In the end it’s YOUR life, you spend it the way YOU want it to be.
2. Breaking the news will suck: telling your best friend, college mate, or even your hair dresser will be hard. No matter how big the smile on your face will be, saying it out loud that you’ve gotten a divorce, will hurt. This kind of story is not an easy one that you’ll just blurt out like “I turned 27 today” but rather like “I have brain cancer” sort of news. People perceive divorce as hideous news; something they just don't want to hear… It is.. But sometimes divorce is essential, only then will it be considered good news.
3. “We’ve always hated him anyway”: is something you're going to hear more than once. Don’t listen to people, if they did hate him they wouldn’t have added him on Facebook or pretended to like him all along. Some people think that this sentence up there would help you feel better about yourself or decision … well they're wrong. This isn’t being supportive; it’s being a little bit fake.
4. You’re going to kiss some friends goodbye. It’s a fact. Some people will take sides, some people will pretend to be ok with it while deep down they’re judging you, and some will just disappear because the divorce made them feel un-comfortable… awww how sad. To hell with people who walked out, in fact hold the door for them as they leave, in hard times like these you want people you can depend on, people that will support you no matter what (and I mean NO MATTER WHAT let that be divorce or even homosexuality), people who will love you for YOU. People who will put themselves in your shoes and see how hard this whole thing is for you rather than stand miles away and point fingers. These are your TRUE friends.
5. You’ll burst into tears every now and then … and that’s ok. No matter how long it’s been or how strong you’ve become, tears will come streaming down your face at the tiniest trigger. These triggers can be a painful memory, a hard laugh, or the just the fact that this happened to you. Don't keep your tears in, after a good cry you’ll feel better, and with time it’ll all go away.
6. Don't alienate yourself. As tempting as it maybe to just withdraw and hide from people, don’t do that. Going out, making new friends, trying new things, and just letting go, will help you discover new dimensions of yourself you haven’t seen before.
7. You’ll re-think your decision at some point… and that’s also ok. Go over the facts, the reason behind your divorce, why you left him, and the results of your trials. You’ll remember EXACTLY how you felt when you took that decision and it’ll re-assure you. Don’t go on a guilt-trip, divorce is a two way road.
8. Divorce is just more than one “Goodbye”; In fact it’s a hundred little goodbyes. From missing out on former in-law family events, to throwing out your wedding dress, to hiding your wedding pictures/ video, to unpacking your suitcase and furniture, to deleting your ex online, to even avoiding a certain street in your city because it reminds you of him; be prepared to say goodbye. After getting over the BIG goodbyes, there will remain small things that will remind you of him at the most inappropriate moments. After getting out of a serious relationship/ marriage, there are just THOUSANDS of memories that will be there. Bit by bit, they will become just distant memories, things you no longer can recall.
9. You’ll blame yourself for staying in this relationship for that long. You’ll stop and start to see how bad your relationship was all along. This can only happen after a break up. You’ll be shocked at what you tolerated/ accepted along the relationship to the extent that you will blame your stupidity for not getting that divorce any sooner. Don't!!! Relationships fall apart slowly, you accept one small thing after the other until 10 years down the line, you get a distorted image of what your relationship looks like. Don't blame yourself for holding on too long, instead pat yourself on the back for knowing when to quit trying any longer.
10. You’ll meet someone new and you’ll absolutely love it. Break ups teach you A LOT of things about yourself, love, your likes, dislikes, and what REAL relationships should look like. Divorces may seem like they’re an ending, when in fact they’re just beginnings to a better, stronger you. Moving on can teach you how to be treated, what if feels like to be appreciated, they can help you gain all the confidence you’ve had before just by being “wanted” again. Moving on is only a stepping stone to creating that better future for yourself so don’t be afraid to go out and date.