Yep, "breacials" (breast facials) are now a thing being offered at several salons and dermatologists' offices. But do breast facials offer the same kind of benefits for your tatas or are they just a kooky new trend?
A breast facial is a massage of the breast tissue and surrounding areas, often used in conjunction with lotions, masks and oils. But it isn't cheap. Graceful Services, who calls it "facial breast lifting," offers an 80-minute session for $100. (Is it just me or does getting your breasts rubbed for 80 minutes sound like a really long time?) If you want to get a little more aggressive, WonderLift adds vacuum suction, followed by micro-current and light therapies to "rejuvenate" breasts.
It's not just about looks though. Practitioners claim that not only will it make your decolletage glow but it can help drain your lymphatic system and even make your breasts perkier and less sensitive. "Lymphatic breast massage" has been used by holistic docs for quite a while as a way to detox, and plain breast massaging has been recommended for generations for a variety of ailments from breast tenderness to mastitis during breastfeeding. Plus it seems like one of those things that can't hurt and might help, so why not?
Of course the million dollar question is whether or not it works. As a woman who's birthed five kids, my lady lumps could definitely use some TLC and if it made them a little less, well, lumpy then so much the better.
Ashley Hoffman wrote about her experience getting one for Styleite and concluded, "After my 45-minute fondling session, gravity still worked. My tits were at the same level they were in the picture I took 24 hours before. But when I walked to a party that night, I noticed a considerable difference in how they felt. No more tension. Thanks to the massage, they weren't weighing me down anymore. When someone "accidentally" bumped into me on the subway, I didn't feel like I was being twisted in a juicer. I felt liberated when I shot down the stairs at the bar without the painful bounce I was used to. I went into this because I was curious about how weird it would be, but it worked."
Well that does make me want to skip the subway but I'm not sure I'm sold on the breacial idea. I don't think that women's breasts should have to look "perfect" to be beautiful and the ideal of unblemished, full, bouncing boobs can make women feel ashamed. But if you have a specific problem with your breasts like tenderness or soreness, it might be a nice temporary relief. (Of course if your breasts continue to be painful, see a doctor to get them checked out.)